The Book: A Novel Calling Read online

  “When did you discover the word?”

  “One day it seemed the book was calling. As I took it from the shelf I dropped it and it fell open on the floor. I saw two words scrawled sideways across the old text. One was Greek and the other Latin: they signified the same sound.

  “The sound of the word.”

  “I picked up the book and said the word aloud. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I hit the right sound. I got the surprise of my life.”

  “Another world.”

  “I was totally lost.”

  “With no connections,” I said.

  “I had no idea where I was.”

  “Or how to get back,” I affirmed.

  “The thought of being stuck in a foreign world was absolutely terrifying, Jon. It took a while before I got over my panic, and then, I realized I was in a strange new state of mind. I felt so clear. I observed everything around me without anything standing in the way. I absorbed it all with an open mind, just following intuition.” Adam laughed. “I can’t believe I did that.”

  “I’m glad you did.”

  “I had a hard time when I got back; it was weeks before I felt that things had found their right place. Until then I drifted without thinking about it too much. I couldn’t remember how I had spoken the word. The whole thing was a shocking half memory. Then, I got a feeling that things had settled down and, almost before they settled in, I was ready to go back. I said the word again and it didn’t work. I had to learn through trial and error. Some of those errors took me to places I didn’t want to go. But now I know how.”

  “Lucky for me.”

  “I can make it easy for you, Jon.”

  “I wouldn’t go without your support.”

  “I can’t say I’m sorry it took so long to get it right, because I changed so much during that process. I feel connected to something vast and primordial. Every time I speak the word I feel complete and whole, aware of really big things.” He laughed. “It like being a wizard, or my idea of what it would be like. Every time I say the word, I feel as if I am speaking it into existence for the first time.”

  He leaned on his elbows and waved a forefinger in my direction. “Don’t take the word lightly, Jon, or voice it merely by mistake, unless you want to be totally lost.”

  “One new world at a time, Adam, thank you very much. Since my trip I have a different sense of time; it is deeper and completely changed.”

  “I’m not surprised,” Adam said. “Maybe you noticed something that has been going on since the beginning of time. You are a product of that whole process, Jonathan. Evolution is as old as the cosmos. Where do you think you came from? Nobody in this world is brand new, not even newborns. You and I began in stars billions of years ago. Endless changes brought matter and stars and galaxies into being, and then developed organisms with consciousness, and then added conscious self-awareness. We have a chance to merge our awareness with the oldest imperative in creation.”

  “That is something to think about.”

  “Lewis and Clark explored Yellowstone,” Adam said. “You and I are peeking into possibilities for creation.”

  “Ah, yes,” I laughed. “And we’re not alone.”

  Adam gazed out of his office window as if waiting for something important to appear in the sky. “I was able to fend off fear,” he said, “not by logic or analysis but with a new kind of mind. I was so empty and peaceful I had more curiosity than anxiety.”

  “But at first you must have been petrified.”

  “Absolutely astounded,” Adam laughed. “I was so scared I couldn’t believe it. Suddenly catapulted beyond anything I could imagine, I was lost, and I was shocked, stunned. I couldn’t think. Then, after a long time in total confusion, I realized that I wanted to know more about the place. My curiosity came as a surprise. I wanted to learn more than I was afraid.”

  “Nobody knew where you were.”

  “Not even me.” Adam said, with a grin.

  “I think about that word all the time, Adam.”

  “That’s fine, Jon, it’s okay. Just don’t say the word out loud. Don’t put a voice to it, or you may find yourself in a place you don’t want to be. I learned the hard way, from my mistakes. You have that advantage. I can send you to the same place every time.”

  “One new world at a time,” I said.

  “Take what you get from the one you got.”

  “I would have been terrified without you.”

  “The word I would use is astonished.”

  “Do you know how this happens?”

  “Not in the slightest, Jonathan. We should try to understand things that are beyond our reach, but if we don’t we can still appreciate the mysterious. Consider the astounding universe.”

  “What was your first thought?”

  “When I got there?”

  “Yeah.”

  He laughed, “It was, Oh! Hell no! I was sure I was stuck, forever lost, in some strange place. Those first few minutes seemed to last forever. They gave me the longest psychological pain I ever experienced. But then, after it passed, I thought, Wait a minute. I want to see what this is. My mind was so clear and the experience so real I decided to trust the world I was in.”

  “Your fear was gone?”

  “It dissolved into a curious expectation. I just looked around and took in what I saw. It was so interesting I didn’t think about getting back home until much later.”

  “How did you get back?”

  “It came with a realization that I wanted to go home. As soon as I had the thought, an overwhelming desire came over me, and almost as fast, I found myself sitting at my desk wondering what the hell had just happened.”

  “With nobody to talk to,” I laughed.

  “I was shocked, amazed, dazed and alone.”

  “Did you tell anybody?”

  “Who would sit still for a tale like this? I felt off balance for over two weeks, unable to think about it clearly. I decided to let things percolate. I had a feeling that, if I just let it all go, everything would fall into place. I gave it to my intuition; about two weeks later I felt normal again. I had assimilated whatever I needed from the experience, and I was ready to try it again.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “My worldview was completely different, but I felt steady; in fact, I felt great. At that moment, despite my former confusion, I realized that I wanted to go right back.”

  I laughed.

  “I tried the word again,” Adam said, “on that very day. Nothing happened. I adjusted the tone of my voice and tried changing my style of delivery. I even tried changing my intention in order to stumble upon the right mindset. I kept trying because I was afraid I might start thinking that it was only a figment of my imagination. Finally, I found something that worked, but I didn’t end up in the same place. I made many mistakes, ended up in places I didn’t want to be. Lucky for you, I can get you to the best place every time. Now I know what I’m doing. Tell me about your voyage. How do you feel about your experience?”

  “Well, it’s not easy to say, Adam. I have been feeling off center the whole week, but yesterday I noticed that I was feeling back on base, after being out of balance for over a week. Today I feel good. How difficult was it for you, when you got back?”

  “It was very difficult, Jon. I felt strange. Thinking about it seemed to make it worse. So I decided to let it go and let it be. About two weeks later I woke up feeling great.”

  “That’s how I feel now.”

  “As soon as that happened, I was ready to go again. I went to my office. I closed my eyes and said the word with no success. I kept trying it in different ways, until I hit the right vibration. It sent me off into new world—a different one—so full of vital energy I wanted to dance.”

  “Inside and out, I know.” I laughed.

  “My whole body began to reverberate. I was buzzing with the energy of a new world; it was like being plugged into a new life force.” Adam smiled at me. “That’s how I felt when
I saw you on the bus. My whole body recognized you, Jonathan. I felt exactly the same way. I had to speak up or lose an opportunity to work with you on some amazing things.”

  “You got my attention.”

  “Nothing personal, Jonathan, “but my whole body was screaming There he is—he’s the one.”

  “Well, I knew something was up.”

  “You may be surprised to hear this, but I’m convinced that you were picking up my vibes before you got to California. I presume you came all this way just to find me. I think you crossed the country to get on that bus to Santa Monica on that very day.”

  “Hard one to prove,” I said.

  “You don’t believe it?”

  “It’s possible….”

  “The important thing is to accept the speed of light before you try to explain it.”

  I pondered the thought.

  “Why let a detail like speed slow you down?” he laughed. “Two more trips and you’ll wonder which one is your real home.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of, Adam.”

  “Trust your intuition. It’s the best guide.”

  “This is a long way from Missouri,” I said.

  Adam swung his big hand over his desk as he added warmly, “Our biggest challenge is to go beyond what we think is real—what we take to be reality without even knowing it. Human beings are conditioned creatures. That was good once upon a time, because it helped us survive. It was one of our strong suits. But now, it’s about to kill us. Scientists have been improving their instruments coherently for centuries. Why not improve the tool we brought in with us?”

  He stretched his arms as he looked at the ceiling and sighed. Turning his torso slowly in both directions he then leaned forward peering at me. He set the palms of his hands on the surface of his desk. “The word called to me, Jon. I can’t explain that, but it is true. The world is now calling you into action. I can’t think of a better invitation.”

  “I can’t either,” I said. “But I have had so many new feelings I am still awestruck. Until yesterday I felt out of sorts, off balance, you know? And now, for some reason, I feel good. Back to normal. Better than that. My sense of time is totally different, but it’s balanced and I’m clear. When I was in that place, Adam, I felt good just being. It is so easy to be in that place. I knew who I was—I know who I am.”

  “You see, Jonathan? I knew you would take to the place.”

  “Like a goose skidding on snow,” I laughed. “I feel great.”

  “Considering how things have been there lately,” Adam said, “I find that very interesting.”

  “I know!” I laughed.

  “It is good to learn together,” he announced as if making the original discovery. “Not so long ago galaxies were unknown. Today astronomers estimate at least 100 billion galaxies in the universe. Do you know how vast that is? Our nearest galaxy is two and a half million light years away. A single light year is roughly six trillion miles.”

  “It boggles the brain,” I said.

  “The span of the universe is estimated at about 93 billion light years.”

  “As I said….”

  “Our sun is only 93 million miles away.”

  “Too close for comfort,” I replied.

  “That whole amazing world is your home, Jonathan. Your cosmic egg. Your mother. We are learning how to love the cosmos.”

  “I feel humble,” I replied.

  Adam emitted a delighted laugh.

  “I want to go back,” I added.

  “I knew you were my cosmic playmate the day we met,” he said. “After my first trip I wanted to tell somebody that I felt a few centuries younger. In fact I wanted to shout it out, but of course I didn’t. I just knew you would show up, and then, one day on that bus to Santa Monica, I found you. If you want to go back now, remember to be wise.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just take what you get.”

  “Okay, I’m ready.”

  “That proves you’re no crazier than I am.”

  “I take comfort in that.”

  “We’re off to a good start.”

  “I mean right now, I want to go back now.”

  “All right, I’ve got your back.”

  “I know. I believe you.”

  The late afternoon light in Adam’s office formed an aura around him that seemed to match the enigma of our relationship. Who was this man? I had no idea but it didn’t matter. His history was not nearly as important as my sense of his being. I trusted his energy. I felt I understood his innate, primal intent. The moment I looked up and saw him on the bus I realized we were connected. I trusted him before he sat down.

  “Scientists have been improving their tools for over 400 years,” Adam said. “The time has come to amend and rectify the instrument between our ears.”

  “I’m ready!”

  “One more thing, Jon.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing in particular.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Adam gave me a serious look. “Don’t get caught up in particulars. Take what you get and keep moving.”

  “I don’t get you.”

  “See what is and move on, that’s all, Jon. Don’t get caught in a web of anterior experience. Take it in but don’t cling to it. Receive it and let it go. Nothing in particular. Get me?”

  I laughed.

  “Don’t lose the big picture. Are you sure you have had enough rest? I needed more time after my first trip.”

  “I feel good.”

  “So you’re all set?”

  “Let’s do it!”

  ∞ 21 ∞

  “What the hell is this?”

  “I am sure I do not know,” Woman replies, eyes wide open.

  “Cool,” says Teenager.

  Boy walks on and skips to the object.

  “It looks like a sculpture,” Woman says.

  “I guess it does,” I say. “But why here?”

  Standing like spectators at a modern art museum, but located in a spot of soft candlelight in a buried earthy corridor, we gaze at the unlikely physical object.

  “Why would a freshly painted white door in a shining brass frame be here on a marble stoop?” Woman says.

  “With three steps,” Teenager adds.

  The glossy frame reaches the edges of the marble landing. In the center of the snow-white door there is a big brass doorknob about 18 inches in diameter. It has a soft glow. A dim shadow of the mysterious object lies at our feet. “It could be a sculpture,” I maintain. “It’s not connected to anything.”

  I walk to the stairs and set my foot on the first step, dropping an elbow onto my knee. I lean forward and stretch to my right looking around the object. “I don’t know what this thing is.”

  “It’s a door,” Teenager explains.

  “And it’s pretty weird,” I reply, sliding my thumbs under my suspenders. I look up at a spot above the door. “Why is it here?” I say.

  I decide to walk all the way around the structure. As I come back to where I started, I say, “Bizarre.”

  I cross my arms and drum my fingertips on my bicep. Having no new ideas, I slouch into a position suited for contemplation. The others seem to be waiting for me to come up with something. “We could ignore this thing,” I say, thinking of Adam. “We can go around as if it doesn’t exist. Why get caught up in particulars?” Even before I finish the words, I know I have to add, “The trouble is, I can’t do that. I can’t just ignore this.”

  “You’re kidding,” Teenager reacts.

  “It looks like an invitation,” I reply.

  “To what?” he blurts anxiously.

  “I can’t just tune the damn thing out.”

  “You can’t be saying this,” he says.

  “Damn curiosity,” I reply.

  Teenager walks to the staircase. He lays his hand on the landing and he looks to a spot above the door. His jaw drops. “Holy hell!” he says. He turns and waves at Boy. “Come here,” he says, h
is eyes skittish. “Take a look at this.”

  Boy trots to his side. They climb the stairs. Teenager points up and I feel a weight on my right shoulder; Harlequin’s arm bears down on me. I feel a rhythm at my right knee as the lion slowly passes. I put my arm around Woman and tug on her hipbone.

  “What are they doing?” she asks.

  The two boys step across the landing to the door. Teenager looks into the brass doorframe and smiles at Boy, who looks at a reflection of himself.

  “They see something in there,” Woman says.

  “Apparently they like it,” I reply.

  The boys descend the stairs and walk around the object, going out of sight.

  “Now what?” I wonder.

  The lion leaves us and ambles to the marble stoop; the leopard follows like a shadow. They both disappear around the corner of the sculpture.

  Harlequin’s elbow leaves my shoulder. He trots to the marble staircase and studies his reflection in the brass frame. He laughs in silence. He gazes into the golden glimmer again and his body shakes as he laughs. Now he turns and beckons Woman to join him.

  She walks away toward Harlequin’s signals. Using both arms he looks like a surreal character in a misty dream. They meet halfway. Harlequin closes his eyes and kisses her fingers. Once again, it seems, he is totally besotted.

  “Get on with it,” I shout.

  They peer into the brass frame and Woman’s reflection in the glowing brass looks like an angel beyond ordinary reality.

  Suddenly they turn away and walk, arm-in-arm, around the corner and out of sight. Now that they are gone I’m surprised by a feeling of loss, distracted by their heightened camaraderie. Now I turn to my left.

  Here stands Big Guy.

  Something inside his gigantic head seems to be working slowly on some sort conclusion. He gives me a nod and walks to the stoop. Like the others he bends down inspecting his image in the door frame.

  He steps up closer, lifting his burly hand to his chin. He smiles. Now he laughs. Apparently caught by a surprising vision of himself, he leans back and releases a cyclone of deep giggles that come thick and heavy. I think I feel the ground shake under my feet.